Jo the match-maker
by FOXGIRL200
Summary: A fried of Jo asks for help getting a certain someone's attention. All goes well...until Jess gets invloved.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: I own NOTHING!**

Jo had heard a lot of requests in her day ("Jo, stop stealing my damn coffee!" and "I and going to kick…your…ass…Joanne April West…") but this, oh, this took the cake. Her day had begun on the outside of normal-starting with Jess's upbeat demeanor- and continued to get stranger with each passing class. But with the addition of this particular encounter with Perri King, Jo was thoroughly convinced that the twilight Zone was in fact, a real thing-and she'd just stumbled through the door. Perri was a really nice girl, sweet, shy to a painful degree. She was 5'7'' with mid length chestnut hair, chocolate eyes and mid tone skin. Until recently Perri had expressed little if any interest of anyone in a romantic sense. So it came as more than a minor shock to Jo when Perri came to ask for help in getting someone's attention. And not because of a prank or bizarre behavior: walking through the hallway in pajamas pants, sleeping on a classroom floor, putting ketchup on brownies. You see, Perri has a huge crush on Zalia Evans, head of the book club.

Now, normally Jo would jump at the chance to help a friend-she was just that type of person-but as far as any form of romance was concerned…she was drawing a blank.

"Please…Joy I need your help."

"Oh…I guess it's worth a shot. I mean, it can't turn out any worse than what happened when Jess decided to "help" me get August's attention." The memory was still with her to this day.

" _You bitch!" Kelly shrieked._

 _Jo crumpled onto the ground, deaf to her own screams of agony. August was by her side, gently cradling her to his chest. It hurt like hell…it hurt like FUCKING hell!_

" _How could you!? Kelly, you…you heartless…bitchy…I'm going to…!"_

" _No…don't get in trouble for me…just…leave her to herself." Jo groaned as August carefully stood her up. Oh…Kelly would not get away with this… "August…take me to the car…please, I want to go home." The trip to the parking lot was slow and tortuous; each jolt of movement caused Jo to cry out on pain. August opened the passenger door of his car and gingerly eased Jo inside. Unfortunately, Kelly chose that moment to make her presence known._

" _You running away? Huh? What happened to all that talk?"_

"Yeah…but you got that Kelly girl back…right?" Perri asked.

"Well…you could say I did."

 _Jo didn't know how it happened, or when, but somehow she found herself atop Kelly, striking out wildly at any spot on the witch's body. Kelly looked like she'd been fed through a paper shredder-it'd take at least three nose jobs o fix what Jo broke. Her hair and clothes were a mess-ripped at tattered; there was no saving them. And the blood…it was as if Kelly's nose had exploded in a gush of crimson. It was wrong, for sure, but Jo felt an odd sense of pride at reducing Kelly to such a state. She felt herself before carried/dragged away. Soon enough the nurse came onto the scene and ushered Kelly into her office…_

" _I can't believe you got suspended for fighting! Way to go! You're officially badass now!"_

" _Jessica Ariel West! While I agree that what Jo did was in fact badass, you are not going to act like this is a good thing." Jade said, though she could not keep a straight face. She was proud, insanely proud of Jo; the responsible adult figure just happened to prevent her from expressing that. Jo getting into a fight…and WINNING! Oh, Jade never thought she'd live to see the day._

"So…just stop by my house after school and I'll…do what I can. But I'm making no promises." Jo slinked down the hallway toward her last class of the day-English. She flopped into her seat. The teacher was late today, as per usual, so Jo sat back, her eyes roaming the room. Now, some people may find this to be a coincidence, others fate. But Jo found it just dumb luck that her seat happened to be right behind Zalia's-a quiet, bespectacled girl no taller than 5'2'' with dark green eyes and light brown hair. Now it was time for the hard part. Jo tapped Zalia's shoulder once, twice, three times. Almost immediately, as if electrocuted, Zalia jerked, flinched and spun around. Jo, in a futile attempt to conceal her laughter, covered her mouth. But a slight giggle broke through. Jo cleared her throat, waved and gave another nervous giggle.

"Can I help you, Joy?"

"Sorry about that Zally, I was just wondering if you, I don't know, have an extra pencil." And as Zalia rummaged through her bag to find the coveted pencil, Jo took a peek at the notebook atop Zalia's desk. Yup…you guessed it. 'Zalia + Perri' scrawled in slightly slanted print adorned the entirety of the page. Aha…proof! Jo had something to go in! Next step: help Perri confess! Easier said than done, but Jo would not be defeated!

XXXX

"You're doing what now?"

"I know…I just- -Perri asked me to help and I couldn't just leave her to fend for herself!" Jo took a deep swig of apple juice. "Besides, I already have proof that Zally likes Perri, too." Perri was due at the house in little over ten minutes; Jo would need the extra time to think of some form of plan to help Perri get the girl. It was times like this that Jo wished Tori and Jade had chosen a place closer to home to honeymoon at. Somehow, it always seemed like the girls got into the most trouble when they were left unattended. I mean, the newlyweds had been gone for little over a week and already Jo found herself as the match maker in a very odd situation. Eh…let me explain. Perri and Zalia were, in a way, Jogust 2.0…only without the pranks. The girls were always together-working on projects, reviewing books for book club, or just being their nerdy selves. Thinking back, it's kind of odd that the two never realized that there was something between them other than friendship.

"And have you forgotten what happened when I "helped" you get together with August? Operation: Jogust, big fail, Kelly…any of this ringing a bell?" Jess asked.

"Oh…no, I have not forgotten…" Jo's voice lowered considerably. "And I fully intend on making you suffer in the worst way possible for that whole debacle."

Jess, for once in her life, had no response to Jo's threat.

The door bell rang.

XXXX

"We…are going to need more help than I previously suspected…"

"I still say we just leave it alone and let the two of them actually _talk_ about their feelings." She sat on the couch with her head in her hands, hands dragging down the length of her face. Jo had anticipated the evening's events before Perri had even shown up. And as suspected, Jess went ballistic with flirting tips, wardrobe suggestions, make-up and, of course, hair styling. What Jess didn't know, and would probably never understand, was that Perri was allergic to most brands of make-up, couldn't stand skirts or dresses of any kind, and used a special brand of shampoo and conditioner for her sensitive scalp. After the twins had managed to _finally_ calm the burn of Perri's scalp, free her face of the make-up induced swelling and completely 86ed the idea of feminine attire, Jo did the only sensible thing that had occurred that night-she called Kaiten and August…Or better known as Zalia's closest friends.

"Hey, Jessie, you n-n-needed our- -what the hell d-d-did you d-do?!" Kaiten took in the frizzled and wild hair, splotchy face, and wrinkled clothing of Perri, and immediately he knew he and August were in for a long night.

"Hey, Star…Batman, nice to see you." Perri called out sheepishly.

"Hey…Perri. Um, Joker, sweetheart, what the…?" August asked.

"Yeah…with t-t-the hair…?" Kaiten trailed off, not really having the presence of mind to finish his question.

"You see, Perri here wants help getting the attention of the fair Lady Zalia. And as such, has entrusted me to assist her in this in her endeavor. Unfortunately, _Jessica_ decided to offer her assistance as well…hence the mess you see before you." Jo explained in as polite and civil a tone she could muster. "I thought that seeing as you and Kaiten are good friends with Zally you could help us give Perri some _useful_ and _non life threatening_ advice." Jo shot a look at Jess that stated clearly… _I dare you to say something…I. Dare. You!_ Luckily, Jess was a little preoccupied with Kaiten's lips to say a word.

"Oh…um, well, I just- -talk to her, I guess. I mean, Zalia's shy, but not so good at being subtle. And everyone on book club-the whole school, really-knows that she likes you, Perri."

"Really…?"

"YES!" Jo exploded. "That's what I've been saying this entire time! Just. Talk. To. Her. Please, it can't be any more painful than…this!"

"But- -I wouldn't know what to say." Perri said.

"Ummm, how about, 'I really like you and I was wondering if I could take you out sometime. Please…don't hurt me! I'm sorry! Just- -just don't throw more coffee on me, this is a new shirt!' that's what Tori said when she asked Jade out." Jess interjected. Now, there is a rare moment in life, where a person says something so outrageous, so completely out there, that everyone in the room gives them the famed WTF face. This was one of those times.

"Joker…your sister…is crazy."

"Which one…?"

"Anyway! It's Friday; we have the whole weekend to think this through. For now, why don't we just watch a movie, relax…make fun of Jess."

"HEY!"

XXXX

 **Saturday…**

"Is it your mission to scare every girl at Hollywood Arts for the rest of their natural born lives?"

"It was just a suggestion, Jo! I didn't think she'd actually listen!" Jess, who'd already face-palmed numerous times that morning, once again brought her hand to her forehead with excessive force. Honestly, she didn't know how she got herself and others into the kind of situations they often found themselves in. She was beginning to question her ability to assist in matters of the heart; Perri looked unbelievably uncomfortable. She looked as if she were seconds away from a full on self0 destruct. Honestly, why did girls go through all this trouble to impress others? Jess should have just let Jo handle everything- everyone would have been _soooo_ much more comfortable…And not nearly as peeved. Note to Jess: stay out of other people's love lives! Perri should've stuck to boxers…comfortable, spacious, none constricting boxers with pictures of Superman littering the fabric. The girl in question growled as she roughly yanked her _underwear_ from their position at the base of her butt.

"I can't believe you suggested…this!" Jo growled. "I thought we had an agreement: no changes in Perri's wardrobe!"

"I just thought- -"

"Well you were wrong!" Jo sighed. "Just- -help me pry the dental floss you call a skirt off of Perri before she dies of fashion trauma."

XXXX

"Okay…now let's work on something that'll probably work and be a lot less painful."

"What's that?" Perri asked, somewhat skeptically.

"Don't worry; _Jessica_ will not be joining us in this particular exercise. She's on timeout!" Perri spared a glance over to the living room, where Jess stood facing the corner, sulking.

"Okay…what are we doing?"

"We are going to work on what you are going to say to Zalia. Talking…no flirting…just talking."

"Okay, Joy…"

"Let's begin…" Jo said.

XXXX

"GODDAMN IT, JESS!"

"What?" Jess cried indignantly.

"I make one phone-call and you do…this?!" Jo shrieked as Perri once again began spewing pick-up lines.

"I thought it'd be nice if she had an idea of what she wanted to say." Jess said. Three…two…one…

"THAT'S WHAT WE WERE WORKING ON! DID YOU NOT HERE ME SAY, 'We are going to work on what you are going to say to Zalia. Talking…no flirting…just talking'? Did you?!" that did it…Joanne West had officially reached the end of her rope. "I can't believe you'd completely undermined my entire effort to help Perri! Didn't you learn the first time?!"

"Well, yeah, but- -"

"WHAT?!"

"I- -I just wanted to give Perri some tips, you know, in case your plan…fell through. I mean, everybody knows the way to a girl's heart is good looks and sweet talk." Did you ever have a moment when you hear yourself say something stupid, yet for some reason you just can't stop the words from passing through your lips? Well, Jess just had one of those moments. Granted, her heart was in the right place…I think. It really was her common sense that was lacking in this case. The first thing August mentioned was Zalia's obvious crush on Perri. Hence, NO NEED TO CHANGE! What Jess didn't comprehend was the fact that maybe just maybe, Zalia would like Perri as is. The only thing that needed work was Perri's inability to talk to Zalia. A little courage and everything would be fine. But…oh, no, Jess wasn't having that! Make-up, flirting, AAARRRGH! And people say Jo was the hardheaded one! And it was for the good of all things warm and fuzzy that Jo promptly locked Jess in the closet and ordered the girl to stay put until after Perri left.


	2. Chapter 2

**Sunday…**

"August I am beginning to question whether she and I are truly related…" Jo cursed for probably the ninetieth time that weekend as she and August watched Perri attempt the art of walking in heels. For the past hour Jess had instructed Perri to walk around the West/Vega house in a pair of black heels that were not only uncomfortable, but two sizes too small. And Perri, poor Perri, looked ready to collapse on the spot. Letting Jo out of the closet was a terrible idea, Jo knew it! Stupid human necessity for oxygen…

"What? If they ever go to a fancy restaurant this could come in handy!"

"So could flats…" August said.

"Yeah…but, she looks great in these heels, right Perri?!"

"But…my legs are showing." Like Jo, Perri had never felt comfortable with her legs being on display, especially considering the very similar accident she'd been in at the beginning of seventh. The doctors said it was a close call, a miracle she been paralyzed on impact. Of course, there were…limitations to how much her injured limb could handle, but it was still there, and that's all anyone could ask for. I mean, eleven months of casting, surgery and missed school days were not pleasant, but in the end, she was up and walking. A permanent limp seemed like a small price to pay in exchange for her survival. The experience had left its mark, however. Jagged, deep scars marred the flesh of her leg, the only blemish on her otherwise smooth, silky skin. While not quite as severe as Jo's scar, Perri's scar was quite noticeable and still a conversation piece. It was their scars that led to Perri and Jo becoming friends. And it was their similar personalities that brought upon their mutual detestation of skirts, heels, dresses, and anything else with in Jess' closet.

"Don't worry…you look fine. Now…just relax and don't slouch!" Jess sat back into the couch, demonstrating the proper way to sit while wearing a one legged set of pant-I mean, a skirt.

"Why did you let her help?" Kaiten asked.

"I didn't… _someone_ wouldn't let me leave her in the closet!" Jo growled, and August backed away a good ten feet.

The doorbell rang.

Jo sprang up from her seat, relief clearly crossing her features. She yanked the door open. "Who is i-?"

"Hello Joy. How are you?" she was a quiet, bespectacled girl no taller than 5'2'' with dark green eyes and light brown hair. Oh, yes, she was good looking; but what was she doing at the front door?

"I'm…good, I suppose. Umm…no offense, but what are you doing here?"

"Batman called me. He said there was a get-together at your house and I was invited." Zalia adjusted her glasses.

"ZALLY! YOU MADE IT!" August ushered the girl into the house. "I'll explain later…" he whispered to Jo as he passed her into the living room.

"Jess, I don't think I'm cut out for this…" Perri whined.

"Ummm…what in the- -Perri, are you wearing a skirt?"

"AHH!" Perri shrieked and hid behind August.

Zalia backtracked. "Oh, sorry…didn't mean to scare you. Ummm…you look…different." She gave Perri the onceover; skirt, tight shirt and…ear rings? Zalia had always known Perri to despise jewelry, sans the bracelet given to her by the late Grandma King. She hated anyone _touching_ her ears, more so than Jo. Something was not right here. "Are you going to a fancy party or something? I mean, you don't look…like you usually do." And frankly, it scared her a bit. Zalia could see Perri's legs, once again something she and Jo shared-a mutual unwillingness to show off their respective scars.

Perri decided to utilize Jess' "proven" dating tips: Flirting was crucial.

"Oh, Uhhh…I just thought I'd try something new…like it?"

Jo sighed. That sounded a little _too_ familiar.

"Yeah…I mean, you look really nice…but, Ummm, you hate skirts and heels more than Joy. What made you change your mind?" Zalia asked. "Or do you not have a choice but to get all dressed up?"

"Heh-heh-heh…sure feels like I don't." Perri mumbled. "Ah! So…Ummm, what brings you here?!"

"I'm not so sure anymore…" Zalia said.

"Well…August, start explaining…and it had better be good." Jo said.

XXXX

"You thought wearing a skirt would get my attention?" Zalia assisted readjusting Perri's-very comfortable and not at all tight- shirt. Never had she been so grateful to remember to have an extra set of clothes in case of emergency. Yes…well meaning but completely clueless match makers counted as an emergency. August was just relieved to everyone off of his back for his part in the confusion; getting Zalia over to Jo's house in time to stop Jess' "lessons" worked out just fine. The girly Perri freaked him _and_ Zalia out in a way nothing else could. And as such, the girlification had been abandoned in favor of food. The group ended up at a nearby pizza shop. August gave the cook their orders-six large slices of pepperoni pizza and six Pepsi sodas- and carried their plates to their established table.

"I cannot believe you thought Jess could help make me like you! I mean, no offense Jess, but you're not exactly my type…" of course, Jess huffed in frustration. And Kaiten promptly put an arm around her for comfort.

"Yeah…thinking back on it I should have just listened to Jo and just talk to you."

Three…

Two…

One…

"YES! FINALLY SOMEONE ADMITS THAT I WAS RIGHT!"

"Ummm, Joker, sweetheart, you're going to get us kicked out." August said.

"…Sorry."

"I know, but hey, at least you proved Jess wrong and stopped what was surely going to be a train wreck before it even started." August smiled. "Although, I would like to see Perri curse Kelly out…just once."

"You're not going to let that go?"

"Nope…did you hear yourself back then?! I mean, 'You…are the lowest, most evil, bitchiest, arrogant pathetic excuse for a person I have ever met! I only hope the man you marry has a lot of patience so you don't drive him into the arms of another woman…and if that happens, I hope he makes you watch…And…as for your kids…I hope they put you in a nursing home when they grow up-Hollywood Rest Home for the Washed Up and Super Bitchy! And I hope they never visit! I hope you never get the chance to see your grandchildren; they don't need someone like you to look up to, you worthless, vile, odious sad wannabe Brittney Spears!' you were amazing!"

"You remembered Joy's entire rant?" Perri asked.

"Well…yeah, that was the first time I'd ever heard Joker yell at someone, so, it's a special memory that I'll never forget."

"Aww…that's oddly sweet." Jess said.

"You're still in trouble!" everyone at the table said in unison.

"Damn it…"

XXXX

"So…I'm sorry you had to put up with Jess and her obsession with fashion for the whole weekend." Zalia said, awkwardly adjusting her glasses. "And I want you to know that Joy was right…as usual. Talking to me would have worked just fine." Zalia smiled "I'm sorry she did what Jess did…you didn't deserve that and especially the skirt." she seemed embarrassed.

"Yeah…so if I walked to you Monday morning and said, 'Zalia, I really like you and I was wondering if I could take you out sometime. Please…don't hurt me! I'm sorry! Just- -just don't throw more coffee on me, this is a new shirt!' that would've worked for you?" Perri asked.

"I- -what coffee?"

"Never mind! I just- -I'm not good with words and I thought that if I looked…pretty then you'd like me."

"Okay…this is going to sound like a boring love story from some reclusive writer obsessed with fanfiction…but you are pretty, beautiful even. And I do like you, a lot." Zalia said, her face twisting into an embarrassed grimace. "And at the risk of sounding completely idiotic, will you go out with me next Saturday? I know you like animals, and the zoo is having a show with the otters…"

Three…two…one…

"Really?! After everything…the shoes, the shampoo, the make-up! All that and you still want to go out with me?"

"Yes, yes I do." Zalia said.

"…Okay, then…"

XXXX

"We did well, didn't we?" Jo asked from her spot on the sofa.

"Yeah…there were a few bumps along the way but everything turned out just fine." August said. "Hey, Star, can you get me and Joy some apple juice? Bringing people together is thirsty work."

"I did it last time; it's your turn, Batman."

"Hey, I just remembered, why do Zalia and Perri call you guys by those names?" Jess asked.

"Well…I'm Star because of the star gazing aspect of astrology."

"Batman…because he's my favorite superhero." August said.

"And there was a typo on the attendance last year. All the teachers thought my name was "Joy-Anne" instead of "Joanne." Zalia and Perri like to call me Joy even though the mix up was sorted out."

"Oh, man! I want a nick name!" Jess whined.

"Jess is your nick name…" Jo deadpanned.

"But I want something special! Something cool."

"Okay…how about Heels?"

"Heels…?"

"Yes." Jo said. "Because you've made such a big fuss about shoe wear that I'm officially dubbing you Heels!" Jo said.

"But- -"

"I still haven't paid you back for the whole skirt incident…don't push me."

"…Okay…"


End file.
